Monday, 8 May 2017

I Will Lift Up My Eyes

For the most part I’ve accepted that CFS is just something I have to deal with. I take each day as it comes. Until I don’t. Until I find myself struggling with low to no energy for too many days in a row. Until my emotions end up scraping the bottom of the barrel as well. Until I’m crying out, begging for healing. Asking how this or that is supposed to happen.

Each and every time I come to this place he asks me to trust Him. To rest in the knowledge that he’s got this and he’s got me. Though I can’t see the bigger picture, he can. Just believe.

I realised the other day that it’s nearly the anniversary again of when this all began. 23 years ago. It’s been an emotional week as I process how I feel about that. But it’s also been a time of renewed hope.

Realising what the date was didn’t come on its own though - It came wrapped with memories of his faithfulness.  When I was tempted to overthink it all, finding myself focused on the waves instead of Jesus’ face, he spoke a Psalm to my heart. Returning to that place of acceptance once more he brought me full circle (undoing me again) with the same old hymn that he used way back at the beginning as I came to grips with it all for the very first time.

I suspect I’m not on my own with these struggles. So I’d like to share a sample of where my head’s been at. I pray, if you’re reading this, you’ll find encouragement too…

May the grace that sought my heart on that first day
Be the grace that binds my heart to stay
May the truth that opened up my eyes on that first time
Be the thoughts on my mind that never go away
For you are a lamp to my feet
A light to my path
You’re the hand that’s holding me

Faithful God, every promise kept
Every need you’ve met, Faithful God
All I am and all I’ll ever be is all because you love faithfully.
Faithful God.

May the love that caught my heart to set it free
Be the love that others see in me
And may this hope that reaches to the depths of human need
Be the song that I sing in joy and suffering
For you are the love that never leaves
The friend that won’t deceive
You’re the one sure thing

How deep how wide the love
That pierced his side, the love
Redemptions mine, O Love that will not let me go
(Laura Story – 2011)


“I will lift my eyes to the hills, from whence comes my help?
My help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth.
He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.” (Psalm 121: 1-3)


And that, that is well with my soul.

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